The Value of Family Counseling

3Family Counseling, or family therapy is a section of psychotherapy that is designed to work with couples and families to help and assist when times get difficult and relationships are tattered. The emphasis in such measures is to give troubled couples and married folks the tools to bind the wounds and keep the relationship going against some pretty difficult odds, in many cases.

The prevailing sentiment, no matter what the origin of the particular philosophy of any prevailing counseling school of thought, is that the predominant emphasis is on the family and keeping it intact.

Most situations that appear to be unsolvable are simply because of egos that have been damaged and real hurt has occurred during the relationship. A relationship that was extremely positive and robust at the beginning has now become stale and angry in many circumstances.

Many counseling sessions rest the success of getting a couple to see eye to eye upon the quest to “get it done for the children” which is probably the very worst reason. It is a solution that sounds good, but one that probably has the least possible real chance of success.

What good is a relationship that is not working at all between two parents going to do for the children except to point out that parents who cannot get along spoils it for everyone else.

So people first have to agree that there is something that is worth salvaging between themselves, and begin to work from that standpoint. If they can come up with the reasons, then with strategies which can be formulated to give them the tools to make it happen, it can work.

People need to think back and remember why they got together in the first place. Was it sex? Did they fall in “lust” instead of falling in love. There is a huge divide in that one, and people just need to be honest and deal with the reality. If it was mostly the sexual urge that suddenly created a family, and then they wanted to “do the right thing” the relationships may have been on rocky ground to begin with.

Nevertheless, here you are in the present, and the counselor will try and establish some common ground where the words will come from the mouths of the couple in question. What happens now. Choices are to split up with all of the ensuing chaos, or stay together with a different kind of result perhaps.

Getting a couple that has been screaming at one another for the past couple of years to calm down and see things objectively is very difficult, unless you can get them to see the consequences of both positive and negative choices.

The most difficult situation to handle is the one where one of the partners in a marriage or a relationship is having an affair, and is not willing to admit it. Reconciliation rates in this situation are very low, unless the person is admitting it and wants to reconcile and is truly sorry.

The counselor must keep in mind that they are dealing with emotions that are very near to the surface, and unless the emotions can be tamed down a bit, progress will be slow. But, the very fact that there are two people sitting before the counselor, says that there is still a possibility of making progress.

All around understanding of the big picture, a willingness to explore possible solutions and honest feedback are the keys to any sort of progress. If people have even a shred of concern about the relationship, and here we are speaking about both sides, then the conversation can be kept going. Then there is always the next step. As each step is taken, the relationship can be rebuilt enough, with enough refereeing and guidelines that are agreeable to both, so that there is a good chance of reconciliation.

The Importance Of Family For The Future Of The Humankind

IMG_7363_bwFamily is the foundation of our modern society, as we know it. Ancient civilizations were also based on families, the difference being that the definition of a family wasn’t the one we know and use to day. There were times when people were organized in tribes.

A family was a group of members, men and women, who had children and raised them together, in a collective effort. This is understandable, if we think how hard life was in those times. Bad hunters were doomed to die from starvation. Their families would have died together with them. Large animals were hard to hunt by one single person, so people had to organize themselves in groups in order to improve their chances of survival.

Today, our needs have changed a lot. We can survive as single individuals, we don’t have to hunt in large groups and we can raise our children outside the couple. However, the family is still very important, especially for our children. Through the family, we can teach them what values are and how to set theirs. We can help them discover their life mission and develop a vision to live in accordance with. We can teach them good manners, so that they can be liked in the society, make friends and succeed in their endeavors.

Research shows that the first seven years of life are the most important, as this is the period when the character of the future adult is formed. By being part of a happy family, the child has the chance of learning about traditions and culture, about the relationships between people and about the power given by the feeling of belonging. A homeless or and orphan child is going to have problems with the integration in a team or in a community. Children who are raised in functional families are much better at developing and maintaining good relationships with their peers. Additionally, they have a stronger feeling of self-confidence. They are going to be better performers, because they trust in their own power to succeed in life.

A family offers little children protection. When we are very young, we need something stronger than us to protect and nurture us until we become strong enough to cope with all adversities. The family is able to provide this stable and reassuring climate in which children can develop without fear or worries for tomorrow.

Unfortunately, family seems to be slowly deteriorating in our modern world. We can cope without needing anyone else to help us, so more and more of use decide to take their life on their own and refuse to become part of a family. This isn’t a very good direction, from one simple reason: we need love to feel fulfilled and happy. Humans are social beings, so we feel more accomplished and happier when we are part of a certain group. Family is the group that symbolizes love and care at their highest. Hugs are very good for our health, so why not share our life with someone and get our daily fix of free hugs each and every day?

Of course, being single can be better than being in a dysfunctional family. However, solitude increases the risk of depression. This is why we should encourage the younger generations to form solid and loving families, to raise good children and to find their purpose in life together. There’s a lot of love to be shared on this Earth, so it would be a shame to die alone and hopeless, without a soul to share good and bad moments with.

Make Time For Your Family Because Life Is Short

imageIt’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of each day. People are creatures of habit, routine, and we also have all kinds of selfish inclinations. We love others, but life is one long lesson where each person must find out what is most important. Life is also always changing, and that includes families. People get older, kids grow up and start their own families, and all kinds of things happen.

One thing that is also inevitable is that people pass on. No one likes to think about that happening, but it’s important to remember that this life is short. It might not seem short at times, and you might have all kinds of different things demanding your attention. Still, you’re going to realize as you get older more and more that it is extremely important to make time for family.

Think about the people that have lost immediate family members too early. Maybe you’re one of them. I am good friends with two women that lost their son, and I can only imagine how that has shaped their lives. There are children that have lost parents when they were really young, and there are all kinds of other losses that happen too early.

This should remind us all to hug our families, make time for them and cherish each moment. Take every opportunity you can to spend time. Sure you’re going to miss out on some things, but you’ll catch so much more. Sometimes you’ll be spending time with family members individually, and other times it will be as a group.

One way you can make time for family is to bring dinner back to the table. In other words, stop eating at different times and in different rooms. Of course, sometimes this can’t be helped as far as schedules, but the point is to make every opportunity if it is there.

Strong Families Build Nations

fatherandson (1)The strong family is an institution that builds towns, cities and nations, and the United States of America is no exception. It is the unity of a family that provides the nurturing atmosphere and the basic instructions of life that young children need in their growing up years.

The traditional family of male and female parents is how we were all created and as you study history is is the societies that have supported and given place to the traditional family that have built strong societies and have become prosperous.

It is the family that sets the standards and boundaries for the raising and teaching of the children. Going all the way back to the indigenous societies, the traditional family setup strengthened the tribe and the overall social network of the community.

Children who are raised in a strong family grow up with more confidence and direction, as they always had the support and directional emphasis. As a child succeeds, the family is always there to cheer him or her on. If a child fails, the family is there for support and encouragement.

In our society today we have millions of one parent families that are the result of divorce, and welfare families. Divorce is a moral dilemma for a society, as it breaks down traditional support systems and puts emotional and economic pressure on the one parent family.

Another problem is the welfare one parent family where our government, in effect, pays people to have children. That was not the original intent, but that is how it has worked out. A women can have sex with someone, and if a baby is the result, the society will pay for everything and give her and the child enough money to live on, with food stamps, rent and utility subsidies, and medical care.

While that is certainly the equitable thing to do, it provides no incentive to better oneself as a person can survive in that mode. There is more emphasis being put on people to recognize that a traditional family arrangement provides the emotional support and the incentives to rise above this type of situation.

Tips For Maintaining A Strong Family

bob the builder 447In order to maintain a strong family, you need to work hard. It won’t happen by itself. Here are some tips for maintaining a strong family.

The first thing you want to make sure happens in your family is that everyone can talk to one another. If people can’t talk to each other, life get frustrating. There can be a lot of hurt from that and it doesn’t make for a strong family. Having a regular family meeting can be a good plan to help your family stay strong.

Along with talking to one another, eating meals together is a must. It might not be possible to do this everyday but it is a good idea that you have a family dinner as often as you can. Not only will it get people talking but it is a good way to spend time together.

It is important that the husband and wife of the family commit to their marriage. A strong marriage can go a long way in keeping a family together. If the kids know that their parents will always be together it will allow them to feel safe and know that they are in a strong family.

When it comes to the kids, they need to know they are loved. They need to be told so and they need to be shown so. This can be done by spending time with the children one on one, spending time learning about what is important to them and listening to them when they talk. All of that can go a long way in letting children know that they are loved.

Maintaining a strong family takes a lot of work. This doesn’t mean it is impossible. Working together is the first step and it can be the glue that holds the family together.